Today is My 30th Birthday!

HOPE

by: Pinky!

available only at www.pinky.etsy.com

Yeah, the heading is right. I turned THIRTY today, and let me tell you, I haven't been happy about it. My husband asked me what my problem was, and simply put, I just didn't think I had accomplished enough by now.

Sure, that sounds stupid, but it's true. So I sat down and started thinking about the last 30 years. For the first half, I spent it with my brother, having some of the best adventures of my life. We had imaginations like no other kid we knew, and you could give us a pile of rocks and we could turn it into a castle built for two. I love him crazy and he is still an idol in my mind. He shaped me in a lot of ways, good ways, to trust my talents and to believe in myself.

That came in handy as I grew up. When I reached 15, I had my first knee surgery. I relied on him as I went through surgery after surgery. Ten in all spanning four years. I learned to be strong when you have no strength left. I learned that faith is more potent than any medicine. And I learned that when doctors told me "you can't", I could push myself to prove that I could.

As I got older, I got mixed up in drugs pretty bad. I strayed pretty far from being a bright eyed little girl that followed her brother around all the time. By the time I was 19, I was a wreck. I decided that was not the life for me and I had to change, so I did. It was ugly and hard but I did it. And I'm proud of the fact that I walked away and stayed away. A lot of people can't say the same. It took courage to say I was addicted and it took strength to put it away and start all over.

When I started into my twenties, I had no idea how hard they were going to be. No one tells you that, no one lets you know how much you change in just a short amount of time. I had surgery for ovarian cysts at 20, got married at 23, had my daughter by age 24 and nearly died at age 25. 26 brought a separation and 27 brought a divorce. When I was nearly 28, I had another surgery for pre-cancerous cervical cells. Then I got engaged to a wonderful man and by 29, I became his wife.

The last 10 years have kicked my ass, in retrospect, I'm not going to miss them at all. Here I was thinking that I hadn't accomplished anything and I was wrong. I have learned to be stronger than I thought I could be, I have looked addiction in the face and told it "no", I have learned to live and love and be heartbroken all at the same time, and still go on.

I have made a life, my story, my song. I am proud of who I am today. Even with the grey in my hair, the scars that mark surgery and pregnancy and the days when I am too tired to get out of bed. I'm proud because it's all mine. No one else can have my story. So, I raise a glass to toast the end of my twenties and the start of something better.

Birthday Girl

by: Pinky!

Available only at www.etsy.com.