11.27.2006

The nights seem too long...

I have been wanting to write about my holiday, but I just haven't had it in me. A lot happened in the few days I was gone and it's starting to take it's toll on me. I have a favor to ask and it's one that I don't ask lightly. I know that the people that read this blog are from different religions and faiths, but it still seems to me that all of you have a belief in something. I'm asking you to tap into that belief for my family.

My Great Aunt Ann is very sick and has been for a while now. This past summer was very hard on her and she ended up having to move to a nursing home after living on her own for, well, as long as I can remember. She is a woman of great faith and enormous love. She is an inspiration to so very many people, myself included. I could only hope to be the kind of woman she has been. Thanksgiving morning, she decided to sign a DNR order after yet another stay in the hospital. This was no easy choice for her as she had refused one earlier in the year. She was afraid of letting go, of leaving us behind. She's not afraid anymore and she just wants peace.

I love my Aunt Ann with a ferocity that is almost overwhelming. She knows my heart better than anyone save my husband and my father. I am closer to her than anyone else in my family. We've written letters to each other for years and I have every single one. I know she's ready to leave, but I'm not ready to let her go. It's selfish and childish but it's true. I am blessed to have her grace my life for thirty years and I'm just not ready for her to move physically out of it. I want everyone to meet her, to see what a wonderful and amazing woman she is. I want everyone to know just how special she is. Her strength, her beauty, her unending faith. I'm not ready for her light in this world to go out but I know she is.

Difficult is too small a word to describe how hard this is. I got to see her when I went home for the holiday and I could have stayed there forever. She calms my heart and loves me deeply, without condemnation or criticism. I love her so much that it actually hurts. So what I am asking is that you put your faith or beliefs towards a peace for my family. She is close to the end now and her leaving will pierce a hole in all our hearts.

Please, oh please, rally that faith to help my family through this. And may the heavens above give me strength to breathe when she is gone.

20 comments:

madd said...

(((Pinky)))sweetie..my heart hurts for you..my thoughts are with you and yours..m

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Oh Pinky, I'm so sorry to hear about your dear Aunt. It is so hard to lose the ones we love so much. Take comfort in the fact that she is at peace with going on to meet the Lord and that your parting will not be forever. Sending up prayers of comfort and peace for your Aunt, you, and your family. God Bless!!

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you too and your whole family. (((hugs)))

Carrie said...

Madd, hey there. I got your email and it's funny how you can see right in me sometimes. Thank you darling, I'll reply today.

Karen, I can't thank you enough for your kind, and true, words. Like I said, I know she's at peace, but we're having a hard time. Thank you for your prayers.

Hey Christine, thank you so very much! Hope you are feeling better and I appreciate the thoughts for my fam.

((((HUGS)))) to all of you!!

Anonymous said...

((((Pinky))))

I am posting a story tomorrow that you may need to deal with this. In the meantime, you have my love and support in however you need it.

I have you in my heart always.

Love ya'

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, sorry for being so late on this one.

Pinky, I can only imagine how beyond hard this must be. I've only lost one of my Grandparent's that I was close with and I still think about him every single day without fail.

I am here for you, I am hugging you, and I will be thinking of you and your family as always.

Carrie said...

Brian, thank you dear. Just be glad I didn't call you at midnight last night! I eagerly await the story, you always have the right things to say.

AMBER!! Don't you dare feel bad, I know how much you have going on. Thank you so much for the love and thoughts. It's hard to let her go even though I know she's ready. HUGS!! and I hope you are doing well.

Anonymous said...

Pinky,

You can call anytime you need to talk. Don't get all shy on me now. :)

BarnGoddess_01 said...

pinky. my thoughts are with you and your family. sending you a big giant bear hug across the miles...

ann said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your Great Aunt Ann... may G-d guide you and give you the strength to cope through this difficult time.

Pinky, you must let her go in peace and with dignity and with the knowledge that she is truly loved.

She will live on forever in your memories.

I am saying prayers for you all

lotsa luv ann xxxx

Carrie said...

(((Brian))) I'm not getting shy, just didn't want to wake you up! SMUSH!

BG, thank you so very, very much. I cannot express how much I needed that bear hug and how much I appreciate your well wishes for my family. HUGS!!

Ann dear, you are so very right and my brain knows that, but my heart is being a little slow. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts for all of us. I know that she has been such an impact on my life, that I will carry her light with me forever. HUGS!!

Bare said...

*Sends you BIG HUGS* I will keep you and your Aunt in my thoughts and prayers... I have an aunt like this, and I know how hard it will be one day when I have to let her go, but I know God will watch over you, and her- and that everything will happen in His time *Hugs and Love*

Carrie said...

Christy! Thank you so much. I just cannot express everyone how special it is that you have sent me and my family love, prayers, faith and hope. Thank you, dear heart. It means so very much.

Anonymous said...

Pinky, Your aunt sounds like such a special lady. This is so hard for you I am sure. It sounds like she is ready to part with her physical self, remember your beautiful relationship and may it be a source of comfort to you in the days ahead. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. xox

Carrie said...

G, as always, you had the perfect thing to say. Thank you so very much and yes, she is one fantastic woman. I feel much better about this and I am so thankful that you are thinking of us at this time. HUGS!! and another small hug, too!

Anonymous said...

Good morning Pinky,

I hope you are feeling better this morning.

((((hugs)))

Sassy Dewy

xo

Carrie said...

Good Morning Sassy, I am indeed doing better today. I just needed to get it all out. Thank you dear, hope you are well! HUGS!

Anonymous said...

Don't tell Sassy I was here. ;)

((((hugs))))

Anonymous said...

Pinky,
Reading this brought me back to the feelings I had when I lost my grandfather....he was suffering and I knew it was his time but the little kid in me didn't want to lose my papaw...you aren't selfish or childish...you need to work through this and I am here if you need me. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers....I am sure your aunt is an amazing woman just like you! Love and BIG SMUSHES to you honey!

Anonymous said...

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.