5.16.2006

Today is My 30th Birthday!

HOPE
by: Pinky!
available only at www.pinky.etsy.com

Yeah, the heading is right. I turned THIRTY today, and let me tell you, I haven't been happy about it. My husband asked me what my problem was, and simply put, I just didn't think I had accomplished enough by now.

Sure, that sounds stupid, but it's true. So I sat down and started thinking about the last 30 years. For the first half, I spent it with my brother, having some of the best adventures of my life. We had imaginations like no other kid we knew, and you could give us a pile of rocks and we could turn it into a castle built for two. I love him crazy and he is still an idol in my mind. He shaped me in a lot of ways, good ways, to trust my talents and to believe in myself.

That came in handy as I grew up. When I reached 15, I had my first knee surgery. I relied on him as I went through surgery after surgery. Ten in all spanning four years. I learned to be strong when you have no strength left. I learned that faith is more potent than any medicine. And I learned that when doctors told me "you can't", I could push myself to prove that I could.

As I got older, I got mixed up in drugs pretty bad. I strayed pretty far from being a bright eyed little girl that followed her brother around all the time. By the time I was 19, I was a wreck. I decided that was not the life for me and I had to change, so I did. It was ugly and hard but I did it. And I'm proud of the fact that I walked away and stayed away. A lot of people can't say the same. It took courage to say I was addicted and it took strength to put it away and start all over.

When I started into my twenties, I had no idea how hard they were going to be. No one tells you that, no one lets you know how much you change in just a short amount of time. I had surgery for ovarian cysts at 20, got married at 23, had my daughter by age 24 and nearly died at age 25. 26 brought a separation and 27 brought a divorce. When I was nearly 28, I had another surgery for pre-cancerous cervical cells. Then I got engaged to a wonderful man and by 29, I became his wife.

The last 10 years have kicked my ass, in retrospect, I'm not going to miss them at all. Here I was thinking that I hadn't accomplished anything and I was wrong. I have learned to be stronger than I thought I could be, I have looked addiction in the face and told it "no", I have learned to live and love and be heartbroken all at the same time, and still go on.

I have made a life, my story, my song. I am proud of who I am today. Even with the grey in my hair, the scars that mark surgery and pregnancy and the days when I am too tired to get out of bed. I'm proud because it's all mine. No one else can have my story. So, I raise a glass to toast the end of my twenties and the start of something better.

Birthday Girl

by: Pinky!

Available only at www.etsy.com.

15 comments:

gorjus said...

Aha! But you MADE it! And if the twenties were that rough, that will hopefully mean the thirties are that much easier and awexxome.

Happy birthday! I love you!

blissful said...

Happy, happy birthday! Thank you for sharing your story -- I'm so glad you had the courage and strength to turn your life around (BTW, great jewelry)

Cynthia said...

I think it takes courage to put your story out here for all to read! Thank you for sharing with us. Even though I don't personally know you, I'm so happy that you have found peace and love in your life!

I recently went through my own crisis when I turned 40 in March. Actually the crisis started at 38 and ended last Jan. Everyone has their own life to live and acceptance of our own experiences and lives is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves!

Happy Birthday!!!

Heather said...

YOU FUCKING A ROCK!
I love the recap, the understanding the depth, the knowledge....wow! YOU ROCK! Happy Birthday, my bright and shiny Best Buddy!
The brightest years lay ahead...let's go get em!
Pinky and BAD! Kitty...watch out world we are taking over, we are just being poliet Southern GRRRLs and giving you a heads up....this will be your final notice, the take over has begun!
Loving you & Loving You More and More all the damn time, Heather

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Pinky! One thing I regret about my time in Mississippi is that I didn't get to know you better. Luckily, I did get to spend some time with you, and of course I've heard a million stories about you via gorjus. You are an incredible person. Your thirties are going to rock.

Megan said...

Happy Birthday. And the thirties rock - I think they're way better than the twenties myself.

Anonymous said...

Happy HAPPY Birthday Pinky! I can relate to much of what you've said. I turned 30 in September last year and I am so grateful for it. It is so so true that no one warns you of the twenties and what "turning into an adult" can bring. I don' miss those days either. Everyone warns you of what being a teenager will be like, but the great thing about that time is that you don't care...lol, so all the bad things don't seem that big of a deal at that time. It's not until you hit your twenties and start to see things from a more responsible perspective that you realize the many errors of your ways (or when your 19 from your experience - which I agree you should be very proud of since most people go much longer than that before they are brave enough to look addiction and adulthood in the face).

Way to go Pinky and congratulations!

Carrie said...

Thank all of you SO much!! I had a really good day, even though I was dreading it.

Writing this post helped to put things in perspective for me and I'm glad that some of you could relate. Many thanks on helping me have a good 30th birhtday!!

Polly said...

you are such a tough cookie. we all love you very much.

Anonymous said...

Hey Pinky, what is the measurement for the birthday necklace that you made? The choker. I really really like it and just may purchase it!

Anonymous said...

I was going to say: Wow, you definitely did accomplish many things. I wish you could meet my cousins, most of whom are in bad situations now, and share some of your wisdom.

Thanks so much for visiting my site! It's been feeling a bit lonely over there.

Anonymous said...

I'll say Happy (late) Birthday here as well. Let those of us edging up on 39 know if it really is better than the 20's :)

I think it's better to get all the life crap over with young, at least you have more energy. As long as you are becoming wiser with each year, you are doing well - a lot of people never get to this point!

Anonymous said...

Slightly belated happy birthday. Thank you for sharing your story. Only 3 years til my 30th and I would say my 20's haven't been the easiest years so far- lots of growing up has been done!

pinkangel x

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