I called my dearest friend Heather because I had a feeling her day was not going well either. I was, unfortunately, right. We've learned a lot from each other, but most of all we have learned that we can trust each other, we can show the vulnerable side and not fear judgment or condemnation. I needed her today and she needed me, so the stars aligned and made our schedules stop just long enough for us to hang on to one another.
About the time her mate came home to hold her and make her day more tolerable, I picked up my daughter from school. I cannot express to you how much better just seeing her made me. I know that she's safe now and that she is in a good place. As we were settling to playing outside, my husband came home and just let me hold him. I get so much love and support from him on so many levels. For the first time today, I felt okay. I had my family with me and they were happy, healthy and glad to be together. I was still emotionally tired and a little physically tired, but it was better.
Then, I went in the house and noticed a missed call from my mom. Short and simple she stated in her message to me that yet another mammogram was abnormal and she is going to see a breast surgeon on Tuesday. My mom has been battling skin cancer that is, rather quickly I might add, spreading across her body. It started on her arm then places showed up on her face. Since last summer, the cancer has resurfaced on her arm, spread down her face and has appeared on her chest. We both know what this abnormal mammogram could mean. Neither one of us is willing to say it.
I'm scared for her. I'm concerned about my friend. I'm upset by the turmoil that my ex caused by coming back. Tomorrow I will get up and be thankful that I have a home, a loving husband, an amazing daughter, a fabulous soul-sister and an uncommonly strong mother. But that's tomorrow. Tonight, I will take a hot bath and sob softly to myself. I will accept the fact that I am sad and tired and scared.
Tomorrow, I will go on.
Here is my newest painting, even though I am not done with it yet. But, I thought that I would post the work in progress part of it so you could at least get an idea of where I am going with this piece.
The title came from something I heard last night while sitting on my patio. One of the churches in my neighborhood was having an outdoor revival. It was amazing to hear. The music, the voices, the loud chatter from people working themselves up for salvation. It was inspiring.
So, here is the first draft. I have to wait for the paint (damn watercolors) to dry before I add in the next layer. I should be done with it tonight.
Hoping you're having a fantastic and wondrous day.
Heather has taught me a lot of things in our short, but precious, friendship. she has taught me about loving like no one else, she taught me to be stronger and fight for me and those i love. she taught me that no matter what pain i have had before, that i could rise above it, i could own it and that i could be more than what i thought i could. i love her dearly. i cannot imagine my life without her in it, not now. she is vital and beautiful and wonderful and strong and she is a star. do you hear me? you are a star... always.
i love you and mate man and your fabulously strong children. i know that sometimes i don't have the answers you need, but you told me that creating, painting our own world, is how you get through it all. so here is my painting, for you and all you are.